Show Some Skin

Summertime- love it or hate it, it's the season to show skin, and to deal with the beauty and fashion challenges that go along with it.
The first challenge is comfort- how much of your skin are your comfortable bearing on the city streets?
For me the answer to that question is 'as little as possible'.
Since tights and leggings are impossible once the mercury starts to climb, in my Bizarro world shorter skirts are part of the fall and winter wardrobe, NOT summer. Longer hemlines are trendy now, but I'd be wearing them regardless. Maxi skirts look best with feet as close to bare as possible - super flat, delicate sandals with only enough straps to keep them on your feet. A pencil skirt that hits right at the knee or a swingier skirt that hits a tad lower are both great showcases for adorable platform sandals, of which I'm building quite a collection. With this skirt length you are showing some bare skin, and I know I'm not alone in my love of gradual self tanners. These products rule, and my new favorite is this mousse. Here is some good advice on self tanning at home from a salon that I recommend if you're going to spring for a professional spray tan. For under those swingy skirts, some pretty lace panties in cotton or silk will make you want to stand over a subway vent and wait for a breeze so you can pose a la Marilyn. Thong panties? Do you really want to get caught in a draft unexpectedly and give everyone on the street a show? There are children out there, ya know. Save those for tighter skirts. For those of us with chubby thighs, these Summer Spanx are a godsend. They are comfy and cool, and actually look cute with contrasting panties underneath. My fave reality show Mob Wives recently had a cat fight where one of the 'ladies' ended up on the floor with her skirt over her head. Fortunately for her (and everyone watching) she was wearing her Spanx! Yes, I'm a proud member of Team Spanx! But not everyone has to be as modest as I am.
Last summer I went to a great show at Cha Cha's on the boardwalk in Coney Island. The headlining band was Labretta Suede and the Motel 6. Labretta is the lead singer and if I looked like her I'd run (and jump and dance) around in panties, fishnets and bandleader jacket also. To keep things equal between the sexes, the bass player was also showing lots of skin, wearing only a teeny pair of vintage bathing shorts, white patent leather Hush Puppies and sunglasses.
But let's face it, for those without an ounce of extra padding it doesn't take much nerve to bare it all (although this is pure speculation on my part). At that show there was a plump little man watching from behind his Foster Grants, dressed in a super tight tshirt cut into a tank top and a bathing suit bottom that covered as little as possible and could only be described as a 'banana hammock'. On his feet he wore silvery rubber clogs of some kind, and the only other thing he wore was hot pink lip gloss. Oh, and plenty of some kind of hair dressing to slick his thinning locks into a skinny, shiny ponytail. I didn't see him on the beach (what a shame) where I'm sure he shed the 'cover up' of his tiny tshirt (God only knows what other parts of his body were glossed and/or oiled). He was shakin' it, but not breakin' it, and the comfort he obviously felt in his own skin was righteous to behold. He made me smile, and although Labretta was certainly the cutest girl I saw that day, he was something special.
But it's a fine line between chubby and proud, and flabby and awkward. I find myself cringing with embarrassment at the sight of large, middle aged women (of which I am one, but the resemblance ends there) walking around in shorts that were obviously not designed to be flattering to anyone and are riding up between their legs as their thighs rub together, agitating their lumpy flesh like the roiling sea. Is this supposed to be 'comfortable'? Sorry, in my world comfort doesn't involve garments that make your ass look like the side of a bus. To make things even worse, they're usually worn with shapeless tshirts that make the shoulders look droopy; shirts that are baggy, but still tucked into said offensive shorts and (worse case scenario) finished off with a fanny pack around the waist. I don't even have to mention shoes- if you're parading around in these monstrosities you're not wearing anything cute on your feet. These horrible garments are sold at the type of store catering to large size women where my feet will never cross the threshold. I'd rather wear a garbage bag than shop at a store called 'Dress Barn'. The people who design these things should be jailed. As a zaftig woman I find the whole thing offensive and it reeks of conspiracy. These things are easy and cheap to make, and they brainwash women into believing that pretty, fitted and flattering clothes are not for you if you're bigger than a size 12. If I ruled the world I would create a 'reorientation' program for these women. As it stands, I am constantly tempted to throw Spanx at them.
But it's all so unnecessary - there a couple of simple adjustments to the shorts and top outfit would make it much more flattering and comfortable. Replace those baggy tshirts with a surplice top, which is loose and airy yet still maintains a feminine shape. Shorts that hit maybe a few inches above the knee in a fabric with some stretch will hold you in, stay put and save your poor thighs from chafing. Here is an example, or you can just cut or hem a comfortable pair of jeans. Although I prefer skirts, I will occasionally wear this type of shorts and top outfit and accessorize it with shoes like Melissa flats (or a new style of summer sandal that I love - so much better than those hideous sandal booties that were in all the stores last year), and a fab Tokidoki crossbody bag. Unless you are old (or young) enough to be wearing a diaper, THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR ELASTIC WAISTS!
I don't hate the young and the svelte. I was young once but never skinny, which is part of the reason I've avoided sun damage. I've never worn a pair of short-shorts in my life, but my appreciation for fashion doesn't exclude clothing or styles that I wouldn't wear myself. Last year I was very fond of the Sable Starr/Jodi Foster in Taxi Driver look - an outfit based around short-shorts, a big floppy hat, platform sandals and huge sunglasses. This year, there's a trendy summer uniform that the cute young things in New York are sporting consisting of short-shorts (cut off jeans for a rock n roll look, white cotton twill shorts for a more polished look), summer boots (I define summer boots as suede, semi-slouchy, possibly laced, a light or bright color, and mid-calf or lower), a fedora or newsboy cap, and to top it off either a loosely tailored button down shirt or a fitted sleeveless tshirt (possibly worn with suspenders). I would and should be run out of town if I ever dared to leave the house dressed like this, but that doesn't stop me from finding the look adorable. Every summer the fashion mags post slideshows of girls at Glastonbury and Coachella. Some of these girls look really cute, some look ridiculous, and most of them are a little bit different than the NYC rock chick look.
I love the pin up look- the retro-style shorts that flatter curvier gals (a little higher in the waist and shorter on the outside hem) make fuller shapely legs look very sexy. Build an outfit around these with a belt, a cute little cap sleeve blouse, a fascinator or hair flower, cat eye sunglasses, and ankle strap sandles or pumps. When it comes to vintage looks, shorts can be a great way to modernize things. I love this picture of Mia Farrow in The Great Gatsby. The Marcel waves in her hair and all the flowers on her blouse, which buttons up very high and has those adorable peekaboo cap sleeves - a pair of short-shorts and some platform sandals would balance the buttoned-up top and bring the look up to date.
For this post I'm including an extra illustration, because summer cuteness comes in all shapes and sizes.